Dear love.
If you are going to fall in love with me again, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with all my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my imperfections.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you how much I love you. You’re falling in love with the occasionally pain in the butt guy. Yo're falling in love with the one who will always stand by you and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me and I will always cherish you till the end of my time.

Hearts are only practical when they are made unbreakable.

I had the best 2 nights ever.
Waking up like farmers and then heading back to sleep
And waking up again from the sun shining onto our face every now and then.

It felt good waking up to your face every morning.
Your eyes reflect depths of brown in the morning light that streams through the window, your hair dishevelled.
I can feel our legs entangled under the sheets and the familiar smell of your scent on my clothes and your pillow.
With my face looming over you, my hands curved around the small of your neck, around your waist while i wait for you to open your eyes only to look straight into mine.
I couldn’t help but to fall in love all over again.

So I pretty much rot for 2 whole days.
Nothing beats having her by my side,
Sleeping underneath the blankets to watch tv.
Cuddling and lazing in bed.
Making breakfast and dinner(=
Watching you walk everywhere with that huge pj of yours makes me wanna pull you close.

You have no idea.

I am blessed, we have all this.

Good morning texts
Kisses on the forehead
Really long goodbyes
Holding hands
Silence that isn’t awkward
Waking up beside you.

Now, do you feel the same way?

Maybe it was wrong of me
to think that i could keep you here with me forever.

Familiar sense of helplessness.

Seems like in a span of a few weeks or probably months, you’ve changed into this girl who gets irritated with me easily, who doesn’t laugh at my jokes anymore, who doesn’t care at all, who doesn’t show any other emotions besides anger and jealousy.

Who’s just not the same anymore.
I don’t see how I’m being sensitive when clearly, things have changed. It just doesn’t feel the same anymore. But I know I’m gonna regret it if I let go cause’ a few years down the road, I want you by my side. So I keep telling myself that I’m gonna give it one more shot whenever I’ve lost hope. They say that the best thing in life, they don’t come free.

So on a brighter note,
I should learn from the past; no point trying to salvage what’s irreparable because no one’s irreplaceable.

Last Request.

I hate myself for being such a blockhead.
I can't seem to see what's going on around me.
I interpret things the wrong way.

And when i ask, i still don't get an answer.
Just a simple, "You're dumb"
Yeah, i know that, thanks for pointing that out for me.

Maybe one day when i finally get it, it's gonna be too late.

My last entry for 2009

2009 is coming to an end.
Mixture of relief and uncertainty is hitting me like a torpedo.
I’m glad I survived all the metal anguish that I was being put through,
all the heartaches that felt like it will never go away,
Not forgetting all my regrets and mistakes which I can’t exactly forget even if I tried to pretend that it didn’t exist.
I’m prepared to keep them all in a box, tagged them as 2009’s and never take them out.

Here comes uncertainty.
I never like this thing, it scares me not because I don’t know what’s going to hit me
But my own reactions to them.
I’m afraid that I’d give a wrong reaction to something and then screw things up.

And there’s the evitable thing call change.
Change is always good, I welcome it in my own way.
But some things shouldn’t change, like friends.
Friends should always be the same.
At least those who matter should.
(You, I’ve missed you)

Things changed, people changed.
Try and try again and you just know that old times will never come back.
And what sickens me is when it becomes obvious that a choice is made and you are being replaced by someone new.
Be it a lover or friend.

So 2009 was an epic nut crack, but in a good way.
School, slack, study, complain, more complains, improved.
Many many retarded episodes in class and of cos falling in and out of love.
Let me guarantee you, that was only a phrase
(A very fun phrase)

And I’ve got to say this, I love you guys.
Those those who i sort of get to talk to everyday,
Those who complains to me,
Those who lets me complain to them,
Those who whine non-stop to me,
Those who lets me whine non-stop to them,
Those who gets annoyed with my chanting of, “ Are we there yet” but will still respond to it,
Those who laughs at me,
Those who talk dirty back to me,
Those who tell me their grandmother long stories,
Those who let me tell my grandmother long stories,
Those who wake me up at ungodly hour just to tell me to pee,
Those who appreciates my nonsense,
Those who go, ”Ewww, gross” at my burp but follows on with a laugh,
Those who know that without my HAHAS, there’s definitely something wrong with me.

2009 will be shit without them.
HAHA

On a separate note,
Before the year officially ends, I shall do a quick update on my extremely short holiday.

I had steamboat at Su’s house with the same bunch.
Shopping for the food was good, had fun choosing and deciding the amount that we should get.
Played many rounds of mah-jong and poker.
Gawd, i suck at it, lost a few million bucks.
I shall hone my skills and be the god of gambler someday.

Went East Coast with them again,
CYCLE CYCLE CYCLE,
Till I couldn’t feel my butt and legs anymore.

Caught Sherlock Holmes with E,
Not a bad movie but some parts were a tad too draggy.
We walked all over town since the places that we wanna go were pretty scattered.

Met E again to buy her stuff,
Again, we walked all over the place because we need to get the cheapest price,
like some aunty, I know.
Put my haggling skills to good use and got some flim for only 11 bucks.

Shisha with her, look like some drug addict, those that you see that are hooked on opium.
Reminds me of a dragon too, with thick smoke coming out through the nostrils.
I wanna buy that thing home to play.

Oh yeah, I had bbq with my family.
Food was good, I’m not a fan of prawns but I ate most of them that night.
So we ate, drink, drank and lastly drunk.
Dad wanted to camp out the entire night but,
nb, no tent la.

I wonder if people do make out in the tent.
What will the rest of the people there think?
“Eck, whose moaning so late in the night?!”
Bet it must be a little creepy.

Alrighty, a really long post.
Shall start preparing to go out.
Shall try to get drunk tonight.
I hope she’s back and calls me(=

Goodbye, my shits.

I’m Helpless When You Smile.

I’m supposed to help out with work in class but I find myself here.
A wee bit too distracted and I can’t seem to focus on anything.
So I shall try my luck in weeding the distractions here.

Let’s see, chunks of my memories came back so I’ve decided to type them down just in case I forget again.
Went to Her hse on Friday to roll around the bed while she sleeps like a pig.
And then to tampines to meet Su and aunty.
Had popeye(=
But we were too full to finish all the food.

On sat went to dad’s club to eat jap(=
Yummy, but I think soon I’m going to be so sick of going there.
Always eating the same thing -.-


-

‘ You may not be her first, her last, her only. She loved before she may ever love again. But if she loves you now. What else matters? She’s not perfect- you aren’t either and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you part of her that she knows that you can break- her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

How true, but somehow I’m afraid.
Afraid to watch everything crumble before my eyes and know that I can’t do anything about it.
Afraid that the stability which I’ve grown accustom to, starts to shake and then disappear.
Afraid that I’d lose not only a companion, soul mate but a best friend.

I’ve been through that countless of times and I don’t think that I can go through with that again.
I don’t want to feel helpless
I don’t want to be disappointed
I don’t want to know that I can never turn back time when I screw things up, which I know that I’m prone to

Alright, back to work.

I can’t stop for her.

My Only Hope And Security Is In Knowing That
You Are A Part Of My Life.

I can smell FREEDOM!
Finally the last week of school(=
I can’t wait to hurry end this week.

On a separate note,
Been busy going out and returning home late.
I can’t seem to remember what I’ve done.
It’s like something’s deleting chucks of my memory away.

Anyway, just got back from tampines.
Went all the way to siglap just to have a cup of ice cream and then to tampines to have Long John.
This is the x292507 time I’ve eaten that in a week.
Soon I’d be so scared of that like how I detest yoshi.

On a brighter note,
Results have been good so far except for Physics.
Gawd, that is one mother fucking subject that I can never seem to understand, much less get the hang of it.
I’m being screwed by it and then feel extremely helpless.
The “Omg, I’m going to watch myself die” kind of helpless.
I hate this)=

Okay, time to head in, coma till tmr.
I have to start psycho-ing myself all over again.
Tragic life.

If I walk would you run; If I stop would you come?

Not young anymore.
So that leaves me with Angry and Poor.
And clearly not understood.
Tragic.


I love this long weekend but sadly it’s coming to an end.
Good things all come to an end somehow, don’t they?

Went to Aunty’s chalet on Friday.
God, the weather was fucked up.
It just had to rain the moment I’m at Pasir Ris, not those small little droplets but Dinos & Hippos.
Moreover I was stranded at some ulu pandan bus stop cause the bus doesn’t go to the interchange.
Had to wait forever for the one and only bus to get myself to the interchange.

So we went Ehub to play pool, well, more fun for the guys actually since I’m not really a fan of that.
Finally the aunty came and we helped to unload those stuff and we’re off to roam again.
The weather was being a bitch the entire time.
Can’t cycle, can’t nothing.

Finally we found a spot at coffee bean, whip out the camera and cam whore.
Took many pictures and I bet that the aunty will take forever to upload them.
I’m gna rush her for ‘em tmr(=

The guys started the fire by the time we went back.
So those routine stuff, more pictures & more pictures.
Anyway we all had fun, I can do this again anytime(=

On a separate note,
I’m feeling all christmasy now due to the Xmas songs that are on repeat.
There’s still quite a while before Christmas and I think by that time, I’ll get super annoyed with those songs.
But seriously for the first time in my life, I’m excited for Christmas.
Maybe because of the huge tree that’s sitting in the middle of my hall.

On a (much) brighter note,
The holidays are coming, just 2 more weeks and I’m gna be free for 3 weeks(=
3 weeks is a little short but it beats better than none.
I have so much that I wanna do during that period of time(=

Seems like every time you come back home,
It’s just to steal my heart and leave

How does it make you feel to hear me say that I miss you?

Had an awesome week the classmates.
Let’s see, I can’t really remember the exact dates that we went out so here’s whatever that I can remember.
So went East Coast to do a lil cycling.
Spend 2 hours, teaching Aunty to cycling -.-
And after all, she looked as if she has just given birth.
HAHAHAH!
Woman ah woman, please balance yourself.

Oh before that, I went all the way to Suntec just to find Smelly and then from there take the train to kallang just to take a bus down to East Coast.
Seriously, I must be out of my mind.
The intention was to have lunch with her and when I’m finally there, she don’t wanna eat -.-
I can fucking hell take a bus from my place -.-

So day don’t know when, went to Cwp to have ice cream.
Yummy(=
Ice cream, whip cream and waffle is love.
I can have that for the rest of my life.

Then we went ktv again on don’t know which day.
God, I was so hungry till I’m so willing to pay for a mother fucking 2 bucks cup noodle.
So anyway, after eating it’s my habit to sleeeeep.
HAHA!
I’m going to turn into a fat ball soon.

Anyway, pictures will be on facebook(=
Too lazy to upload so many million times.

On a separate note,
Smelly, I don’t know where the heck you’ve disappeared to but just know that I HATE YOU.
Seriously hate you.

Pasir Ris with the Classmates again tmr.
Bbq(=
Aunty is gonna try her luck at cycling again.
HAHAHA!
I think I’m going to have fun laughing at her again.

Long post tonight, I’m done.
Look for that girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved.

Scared of its uncertainty,
of its depth.

Awesome day today.
Not because of school but because the entire class, well almost except for 2 kids, decided to give the other half of the lesson a miss.
Some went town and the others, Ktv.

Took damn long to convince the sisters to go ‘cause they wanted to go East Coast to cycle initially.
So anyway, it’s pretty cheap, the cheapest so far I guess.
Oh yeah, and the gang who went were, Z, J, Su, SMELLY and the sisters.
Sang Chinese songs and more Chinese songs.
Listened to almost 1 week of Chinese songs in one sitting -.-

So dinner back at Cwp with smelly.
Pasta(=
And for the first time, I finished an entire cup of ice -.-
Thanks to you! (yes, you)

On a separate note,
when it stops hurting does it mean I’m over it or that I’m used to it?
when there is no room for second chances, there is only room left for regrets.
I’ve fucked my life up, so be it, I’d learn.

I'm going in circles, I need to see you, badly.

I Know That I’m Alive But I Feel Like I’ve Died.

Gave school a miss, yet again.
And the feeling is so out of heaven.
So it’s back to school tmr for design.
Boring shit.
Counting down to weekends baby.
Why so slow?

Anyway, i think my grades have been suffering this semester.
LATE LATE, always LATE.
I’m trying to be early but I can’t seem to wake up -.-

On a separate note,
Caught 2012 with P.
Very predictable and it’s too long.
3 mother fucking hours plus we got the second row from the front.
I gain nothing but a stiff neck.

I have more than this to blog that’s why I’m here.
But suddenly, I don’t know what to blog.
My thoughts are all scattered.
What the fuck am I doing.
What the fuck am I typing.

I just can’t concentrate, why oh why?

It’s My heart You’re Dealing With But,
You Don’t Know About It.

My mind hurts from all the thinking.
I’m not sure where/how to begin.

I wanna head out for a run, weed out the distraction.
But looking at the time now, I think I have to hold it in for one more night.

On a separate note, I’ve been finding too many excuses not to blog.
So I’ve decided to finally pen my random thoughts down.

Ut this week and it sucks.
I screwed Physics so badly, no wait, I think Physics screwed me up.
Mega duper hard and I don’t even understand a shit.
Those questions smack hard into my face, caught me off guard.

Design tmr and again, I’m clueless as to what they are gna test on.
What’s there to study and sit for?
My results are gna be atrocious, I wonder what excuse I’m gna give myself this time.
On a brighter note,

Finally met them for dinner and a lil window shopping(=
It’s been ages since we last did that together.
Ah, I miss secondary school days.
They zoom past so goddamn fast, never giving me a chance to really appreciate things.

Can’t believe that we’re in the midst of Nov.
Soon December is hitting and there goes 2009.

The same reckless phase with a different face.

There’s a million important things to do,

But none as important as lying here next to you.

As you can tell i’ve disappeared for the past few wekks.
Been really busy going out and majorly laziness which explains why I didn’t update.
HAHAHA

Anyway, I caught The ugly truth with E and it was damn good.
I like the part where the woman was squirming in her undies while she gave that “fuck me right now” face.
HAHAHA.
I should buy vibrator undies for someone and then try it out.
Surely damn fun((=

Who shall be my target, hmmmmmmmm..
Anyway, before catching that movie we walked around MS in circles.
Nothing to do while waiting for our movie.
Decided to just sit at Mac to people watch.

And guess what we saw.
A fucking cannot make it tranny -.-
His chest is flat and he still wear until damn revealing.
What’s there to see dude? At least stuff 2 oranges there first, get the shape.
Or maybe I should donate my small boobs away.
HAHA!

On a separate note,
Design tmr and I can already see that it’s gonna be bleak.
I don’t even think that our dustbin will be able to stand.
Tell me how the heck am I gonna survive tmr?

And lately I can’t sleep in peace ‘cause I’m highly disturbed by my own breathing,
My nose is whistling.
Shall give school a miss on thurs and finally get my fat ass to the doctor.

My chin’s itchy,
maybe a goatee is finally sprouting.

Let’s skip the goodbyes, we had too many.

Why is it lingering like this?

I dread going to school nowadays,
it used to be fine,
like some kind of routine I slipped into blindly.

But now,
why is school so damn gross that I feel like I can no longer bring myself to be blind.
Or maybe I’ve gotten too lazy.

Spent almost half of my awake hours in school.
Walked everywhere to find “hot” guys and girls.
I see tragedy in the making.
HAHAHA

Finally it’s going to be Thursday once again.
Counting down, counting down.
And maybe I won’t be so broke by the end of this week so that I can go out.
Seems like I’ve been real broke lately.
Something’s wrong with my wallet, I think there might be holes in them.

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call."

-Jeanette Winterson, "Written On The Body"

It will never go away

Another new week of school.
Why am I starting to count down to my next holidays?
Anyway, life is no heaven right now.

I keep trying to do lots of things at one go, keeping myself real busy till there’s no space for rest.
No space to sit down and think of you.
Every time I thought that I’m tired enough, exhausted to the point where I can just close my eyes and sleep, you appear in my head.

Have you tried holding your breath till the point where you can hold no more before taking another deep breath and do it all over again?
Well, I do that sometimes when thoughts of you come rushing to my mind.
It helps me to push you out for a lil while and I like that.

This is the fucking fourth time that i’m doing this.
I did that so many other times and i always fail.
I gave in too many times and its crippling me.
This time, I’m not gonna head back even if it means i’d die.
I don’t want to walk down this lane anymore, I have to get it over and be done with.

You don’t even need me anyway.
Your heart doesn’t even beat for me.
I’m not the one you turn to when darkness falls.
I’m nothing to you but you just had to mean something to me.
And this sucks.

When I fall apart, I stick myself back on my own

If this is it, I’m okay

It’s the second day of school and I feel so damn tired alr.
The waking up early part and the travelling is killing me every single day.
And my class is just too quiet, I’m like going to some funeral everyday -.-

In that new class, I find myself actually doing work -.-
They seriously just ruined my bo chap image.
Can’t slack = Angry me.
I shall be a slacker next week(=

Anyway, I miss w14J
I miss how we talk lots of cock.
Laugh at the maths faci.
Skip class togetherly(=

Who’s gonna eat cup noodles with me during break?
Who’s gonna eat ice cream with me?
Gang, I miss you la)=

On a separate note, it’s playmate’s birthday.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, old hag!
Officially 20, no more 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19
It’s now going to be 21, 22, 23....29!
HAHAHA!
Anyway, love you plenty even if you become an old old naggy granny =D

Will you think of me tomorrow?

Go away

I’m seriously fucking pissed tonight.
Ah, its alr 12 plus in the early morning right now but who cares.
I totally lose it tonight.

It’s not normal to lose my cool at all but tonight, I did.
I already told them not to touch the head at all, they can aim anywhere but the head.
I don’t mind getting soaked but I seriously mind getting my hair wet.
Especially when I already said not to touch my head since I’m meeting YOU(= for supper.
So obviously I just want to go home to change into dry clothes and just head out again.
But I had to bathe and then dry and do whatever with my hair all over again.

Not like I need to tell them a reason for not getting my hair wet.
When I said not to, shouldn’t she just fucking hell listen?
If my hair got wet by accident, I seriously wouldn’t be mad since it’s my fault for not avoiding it.
But she came right up to me and smacks the balloon right onto my head.
That was definitely intentional since she came up so close just to burst it.
I didn’t even see it coming at all.
And at that moment, I wanted to punch someone.
No joke, that was how pissed I felt.

Never felt this way with a friend for a long long time and tonight, I just broke it.
I’m not sorry for losing my cool at all.
I need to break free tonight, and I don’t think I can go back ever again.

Fuck that fucker tonight.

Anywhere looks good, just run with me.

Again I find myself here at ungodly hour, probably seeking solace.
I really should break this habit.

Anyhow, there’s only one reason which keeps me from sleeping,
Random thoughts which I fear, anticipate and get disappointed over and over again.
I always chose the hardest path to run.
And so I’m an idiot.

When there are days I miss you, I try hard to turn away.
When there are days I want to hear your voice, I try hard not to call you.
When there are days I feel like talking to you, I try hard not to send the msg that I’ve already typed out.
When there are days I crossed the friendship line, I try hard to rewind and clear up the mess.
And when there are days I love you, I try hard to ignore, pretend and hide. (This is the one that is killing me the most)
No matter how hard I try, sometimes I fail.
I told you that I miss you
I call you when I want to hear your voice
I text you random stuff just so that I can talk to you
Crossed that line so many times but I take damn long to clear the mess up
But I think one thing I did well is to ignore, pretend and hide that love which isn’t mine.

If giving up is that easy, then I guess what I had for you isn’t love.
And sometimes I wish that it isn’t love that I’m feeling.

I have nothing to throw away but myself for you.

Fuckadoodoo

I seem to be wide awake when I’m supposed to be asleep these days.
The silence is too unbearable and it keeps me awake all night with wild thoughts running through my mind.
Why can’t the sun rise now?
At least with so many activities in the day, it will help to keep me distracted, at least for awhile.

If someone were to ask me what’s the cruellest thing on earth now,
i’d say Time.
You can’t ask time to slow down and wait for you
You can’t ask time to stop at a particular moment for a little while
You can’t ask time to hurry move on so that feelings can heal faster
You can’t ask time to rewind itself and go back to those days

Ah, incoherent thoughts again.
I’m really losing it.
I think it’s time to sleep or find something else to do till I’m tired.

No regrets, I’m moving on.

Between You And I

What in the world am I doing here at this hour?
I feel screwed, I think life just screwed me up.
Makes me wanna throw rotten smelly eggs at it.

Can’t sleep, can’t think and can’t get it right.
I’m wide awake with incoherent thoughts running through my mind.
A mixture of fear, anticipation, weariness and other stupid emotions keeping me from having a good night’s rest.
I think it’s more of weariness tonight.
I’ve allowed myself to cross that stupid line again.
I’ve constantly remind myself of where I stand and yet I just had to ignore the red lights and cross right over.
Now I’m all tangled in my own mess and I can’t get out.
FML, really.

Very often we put our best foot forward, only to get screwed in the end.
Senseless it may be, we still go forward with it.
What the fuck is wrong with us.
Can’t we sense danger and just run back like a whimp?
Must we really get stuck in a situation or prove that there’s no other way to move on, then Whoops, dead end, and make a tedious U turn.

And find ourselves back at square one, all over again.

I really don’t know what I’m doing.

I can’t help but dread.

I can’t fall asleep tonight.
Going to Sentosa in a few more hours and I really dread it.
Not because of the company that I’m going with but the place itself.
But really, they wouldn’t understand why even if I tell them, so what’s the point.

Too much memories in that place.
It’s like going back to the past except that I’m there without you.
I can’t help but think of you whenever I’m there.
I went there about 2 years ago and I swear I thought I’d be fine but I can’t breathe easy there and I want to get out of the place badly.

I don’t want to relieve those days anymore.
That’s why I never step foot onto that island.
It’s not easy and I guess it will never be.
Now I look like a complete idiot because they think that I don’t want to go because of one particular person.
Why will I do that man, not like she’s my greatest enemy.
But that’s the only excuse I can give.
How do I tell them the truth, either way I’d still look stupid.
So I chose to use an excuse which is entirely not like me.
They wouldn’t find out anyway.

On a separate note,
I said that I’m going to let go but it’s not easy at all.
I can’t run away ‘cause in the end, I still find myself back where I left off.
I swear one day I’m gonna run off and never look back.
I’m taking one step away every single day & I hope I will never return ever again, no matter what happens.

Maybe if running away fails, I’m gonna have to pretend that feelings don’t exist.
I can’t face her knowing that my heart feels something, its driving me insane.
So it’s time I should leave it all behind.
She wouldn’t know that I’m gone, it’s not like she know that I’ve always been one step behind her.
So to you, this is goodbye.

I need to run away tonight, I’m afraid.

I hope that I can walk out of this in one piece.

Its good to be back here after a major hiatus.
I don't know what made me wanna come back but I just did.
Maybe because I happen to read my older posts and I kind off feel nostalgic.
Whatever, I don't know how long I'd be sick of this place once again.
Soooooooo..

So China..the holy land of spits.
What can I say but to be really cautious of the next step that you're gonna take.
You don't know what you'd accidentally step on man, really I'm serious.
That's how bad it is and they say it was worse in the past.
Fucking sick.

Ok so the flight there was not that awesome.
My plane departs at 1am in the morning, how ungodly can this get.
I've never taken a midnight plane so you can guess how tired I was when i finally board it at around 12 30.
Couldn't sleep in the plane cause I was not used to sitting almost upright to sleep and what makes it worst was that I didn't get the window seat.
So I just had to watch movies after movies.

Started sightseeing around without and sleep.
Seriously, what a way to start a day.
Started to be real grouchy during midday and the other family's kids just had to piss me off.

I'm normally okay with kids but i just forgot what's it like to be around one so that explains my pissed off attitude with them.
The girl is the same age as calista(=
And i swear she reminds me off her in every way.

Anyhow, I've visited many places and I'm lazy to blog about them. HAHA
Just those interesting bits which amounts to probably less than 5.
Here goes..
Their night market is way cooler than out pasa malam(?)
They sell things like sheep penis, worms, scorpion and whats not.
Seriously, who in the right mind will want to eat those.

Their toilets uh, seriously CANNOT MAKE IT.
Super smelly, wet and the best thing is that almost all the doors are faulty.
Can't lock and can peep through.
How to pee in peace like that.

The rural area is the best man.
Fucking alien toilet.
Just one drain which is shared among all the other cubical.
A half door to block whatever and that's it.
You just have to do it, no flush no nothing.

The best part of China.
Booze is way cheaper than carbonated water man.
And ciggs cost only 3 buckeroos!
We can all go there to have fun and be merry all day long.
Why singapore not like that uh, WHY?

Oh yeah the great wall of china almost killed me.
Bloody hell, it's immensely hard to get to the top man.
Such a cooling weather can make me perspire like some dog.
Really, I have to catch my breathe almost every few steps.
Seriously in need of exercise.
And those steps are not ordinary steps I'd tell you.
You have to stretch your leg so bleedy high just to get onto the next.
What the fuck is wrong with those people from the past *%&$$#*&

Alright, so the flight back was shiok.
Except for the fact that a lil girl was kicking my chair too bleedy often.
Wanted to chop off her legs and stuff it down the toilet bowl.
Seriously one annoying kid.

Uhm, i gotta run now.
Meeting the guys so i'll be back to finish this if i feel like it later.

Help me, hold you.

Goodbye, it's over.

This was a hard choice, this was 4 years of my life, this as of now, is history.

See you someplace else!

http://tippytoess.livejournal.com

Am I doing the right thing?
Is this where I want it to go?
At the end of it, will I have any regrets?
And most of the time I tell myself that it's the right thing to do.
Seriously is this really right?
I'd rather not know.

They say that you'll learn from past mistakes and move on. But why doesn't it apply to me? Obviously I know my mistake at the end of the day but I just can't move on. I'm like glued onto something. Maybe I just refuse to move on. Shit, I have serious issues. I'm way past late night emo-ing but tonight it's different. That's 'cause I miss you.

On a separate note, I'm hungry)= I only have one miserable dumpling for dinner that's cos I don’t fancy 'em and I have tons of them at home. So I'll most prolly have 'em for lunch and snack every single day. It's just like every other year man. I'm kinda scared of eating them alr. HAHA!

Oh yeah, C's friend is really weird. I don't even know her and she added me to msn. Serious shit. Anyhow, E and I happened to know that one of C's senior is J's sister. Gawd, we hate her sister. She's so rude to almost everybody. Unlike J who is so damn nice.

Alright, that's about it.
Off to watch football.

Your love was a lie
And yet I believed